Supporting a parent from a distance: long-distance caregiving

Moving abroad · 4 min read · Last updated 2 November 2026

Many families live in different countries from the person they are caring for, whether their parent has moved to the Mediterranean or stayed behind. The distance makes it harder to notice problems, share the load and respond to emergencies. This guide draws on a long-distance caregiving booklet from the US National Institute on Aging (NIA), published in 2010, which is general in its advice. We have left out the parts specific to US programmes. It is not legal, medical or financial advice.

Find out what is really going on

The NIA warns that phone calls can hide problems. Before a visit, list the areas you want to check, such as home safety, food, mail, bills, medicines and mood. A few more suggestions from the booklet:

  • Ask neighbours, friends or doctors to tell you if they notice concerns. With your relative's permission, you can arrange periodic check-ins.
  • Walk through the home room by room, looking for tripping hazards, poor lighting, clutter, spoiled food and unpaid bills. Fix urgent dangers right away.
  • Watch for depression, which the booklet notes is not a normal part of ageing.

See warning signs and raising concerns for what to look for in a care home.

Build a team

  • Hold a family meeting when there is no emergency. Include your relative if they are able, and base the plan on their wishes.
  • Name a primary caregiver so someone can step in during a crisis, and thank them. The NIA says this is often overlooked.
  • Match tasks to each person's strengths, such as finances, research or speaking with medical staff. Be realistic about your time, travel budget and work.
  • Consider hiring a professional care manager, where one is available.

Keep communication open

  • Get a signed release so doctors can speak with you, and keep a copy in your relative's medical records. In other countries, ask what consent form the doctor or care home requires.
  • Schedule conference calls with doctors or care home staff so that several family members can join.
  • Keep a shared notebook, on paper or online, with medical, financial and contact information. Keep it updated and share copies.
  • Start sensitive conversations in person when possible. Raise concerns without sounding critical, and explain why you are asking.
  • Set up a speed-dial phone so your relative can easily reach key contacts.

Make visits count

  • Before you go, ask your relative and the primary caregiver what they need. Set a few priorities and leave the rest for later.
  • For doctor visits, bring a list of all medicines and supplements, with doses. Let your relative answer questions and include them in the conversation.
  • Make time for enjoyable things together, not only caregiving tasks.
  • Give the primary caregiver a break while you are there.

If your relative is in a care home abroad, plan visits around meals, activities and a good time of day for them. Our visit checklist is useful on every visit, not just the first.

Plan for emergencies and paperwork

The NIA recommends making sure key documents are in place, including a durable power of attorney and advance directives (a living will and a health care proxy), and noting that a proxy does not need to live nearby. Give copies to family members and keep one at home. Know how to reach the care team quickly, and find out whether someone is available around the clock.

The booklet suggests tracking important papers: legal name, birth records, income, assets, insurance, bank accounts, deeds, debts, wills and where valuables are kept. Gather the essentials first, reassure your relative that you will respect their privacy and, if they are reluctant, suggest a lawyer. The legal terms differ in every country, so see legal documents for care abroad and paying for care from abroad.

When to consider a move

The NIA lists options including staying at home or in a smaller home, assisted living, a long-term care facility or moving in with family. Consider safety, daily living needs such as bathing, dressing and moving from bed to chair, finances and your relative's preferences. It also cautions against promising a parent you will never move them to a nursing home, because circumstances can change. See home care or care home? and moving a parent abroad.

Frequently asked questions

How can I tell if my parent is coping when we only talk by phone?

The NIA warns that phone calls can hide problems. It suggests asking neighbours, friends or doctors to tell you about concerns (with your relative's permission) and checking the home room by room when you visit.

Who should be the main contact for the care home?

The NIA advises naming a primary caregiver so someone can step in during a crisis, and getting a signed release so doctors can speak with you. Ask the care home which consent or contact arrangements it needs.

Is this guide only for people with a parent in a care home?

No. The advice applies whether your parent lives at home, with family or in a care home. Some points, such as keeping a shared notebook and planning visits, are useful in every situation.

Sources and further reading

This guide is general information only, compiled from the public sources listed above as of the date shown. It is not legal, medical, tax, financial or care advice, and we cannot guarantee that it is complete, accurate or up to date. Rules, thresholds and prices change and differ by country and region, and some sources describe other countries' rules as examples. Check details with the authorities and care homes named, and take professional advice for your own situation before you act. If you spot an error, please email [email protected] and we will correct it.